When ecophobes argue with you, explaining in condescending tones that the science is settled and that we must do something to save the planet, test them.
Given that any ecophobe worth his salt will swear on a stack of Noam Chomsky texts that Anthropogenic Global Warming is the single biggest threat to ever face humankind, expect them to live accordingly. If they don't, don't even bother debating them because they obviously don't believe their own rhetoric.
So, here's the deal: Since we are facing global catastrophe, heroic actions are called for. Test how heroic your green “friend” is by scoring them on the following checklist:
1 to 3– Class A Hypocrite
3 to 6– Typical “Progressive”; all show no go
7 to 9– Genuine Believer ... take pity
10 to 13– Paranoid Schizophrenic ecophobe
13 to 20 – Eco-terrorist; or Hobo
1. Live in as small an abode as possible
2. Bath or Shower only once a week
3. Have only one or two hot meals per week
4. Don't use Restaurants, coffee shops, or bars
5. No carbon emitting recreation
6. Drive an electric car (only if grid is Hydro or Nuke)
7. Car pool or use public transit only
8. Do not purchase imports (food, dry goods, hardware etc.)
9. Refuse to have children
10. Read only in the daytime or
11. Use only one fluorescent light at a time; live in the dark
12. Have no freezer or refrigerator
13. Ride a bike or walk
14. No vacation travel … ever
15. Don’t use electrical products (blow-dryers, shavers, toasters etc.)
16. Keep house temperatures at plus 10C in winter
17. No AC in the summer (home, car)
18. No powered yard equipment
19. No air travel … ever
20. Buy Carbon Credits and/or donate all surplus savings to Africa
21. Live in a Cave
If by some chance you come across someone who scores 21, take pictures and sell them to National Geographic. You’ve just discovered a pre-historic hominid … genus libratas ecophobia.
Given that any ecophobe worth his salt will swear on a stack of Noam Chomsky texts that Anthropogenic Global Warming is the single biggest threat to ever face humankind, expect them to live accordingly. If they don't, don't even bother debating them because they obviously don't believe their own rhetoric.
So, here's the deal: Since we are facing global catastrophe, heroic actions are called for. Test how heroic your green “friend” is by scoring them on the following checklist:
1 to 3– Class A Hypocrite
3 to 6– Typical “Progressive”; all show no go
7 to 9– Genuine Believer ... take pity
10 to 13– Paranoid Schizophrenic ecophobe
13 to 20 – Eco-terrorist; or Hobo
1. Live in as small an abode as possible
2. Bath or Shower only once a week
3. Have only one or two hot meals per week
4. Don't use Restaurants, coffee shops, or bars
5. No carbon emitting recreation
6. Drive an electric car (only if grid is Hydro or Nuke)
7. Car pool or use public transit only
8. Do not purchase imports (food, dry goods, hardware etc.)
9. Refuse to have children
10. Read only in the daytime or
11. Use only one fluorescent light at a time; live in the dark
12. Have no freezer or refrigerator
13. Ride a bike or walk
14. No vacation travel … ever
15. Don’t use electrical products (blow-dryers, shavers, toasters etc.)
16. Keep house temperatures at plus 10C in winter
17. No AC in the summer (home, car)
18. No powered yard equipment
19. No air travel … ever
20. Buy Carbon Credits and/or donate all surplus savings to Africa
21. Live in a Cave
If by some chance you come across someone who scores 21, take pictures and sell them to National Geographic. You’ve just discovered a pre-historic hominid … genus libratas ecophobia.
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