Tuesday, August 26, 2008

CJunk Oldies: Fatwa Fashion File

The Muhammad Babaganoosh Spring Collection

A bold new look for 06'

TORRA BORRA REGION, Exact Location Unknown, March 1, 2006 Its that time of year again, and the caves are buzzing with anticipation and excitement. Top Al-Queda fashion designer Muhammad Babaganoosh is set to unveil his Spring 2006 line-up, and it is truly the most anticipated fanatic fashion event of the year. With Canadian troops in the region taking on a leading role, they are no doubt expectant.

Babaganoosh first gained prominence as a no frills 20th century rugged-wear designer working in Palestine. Throughout the 90’s, his rough and tumble ensembles could be found adorning martyrs from Jerusalem to Jakarta. What took the fatwa fashion world by storm was Babaganoosh’s brilliant and original fabric invention. The interwoven syntax/cotton satin weave revolutionized the world of detonating fashion, allowing would be jihadi’s to pass through even the most dedicated checkpoints, and look fabulous doing it. Since the flashy invention, Babaganoosh has become the premier jihad designer of the decade. His dashing designs have been called "dynamite", "red hot", "explosive", and "a perky cross between uptown bold and gritty, masculine chic".

Muhammad Babaganoosh

By 2001, Babaganoosh was a true powerhouse of exploding panache, yet even he could not help getting swept into the whirlpool of global events that changed the face of jihad chic forever. By 2003, the global jihad had reached a furious peak, and the demand for stylish and expensive explosive-wear hit rock bottom. The modern ‘terrorist on the go’ just couldn’t be bothered with trendy ensembles and expensive volatile textiles. The rugged, popular, and inherently lackluster ‘explosive vest and jacket’ combo found renewed popularity as more and more martyrs self-detonated in record numbers. This dire fashion situation has persisted, until now. Babaganoosh promised that this year's Spring collection would put the bang back in fanatic chic, and his first showing certainly delivered on that promise.

Popular Taliban runway model Ahmed Zwari headlined the world class line-up for the show. First up, he burst onto the stage in a bold new gold laced "silk n’ C4" one piece Bisht. The array just oozed old world swag, luxury, and ignitability. Lavishly stitched with the utmost of care, this flagship of the Babaganoosh 2006 Bisht line-up is hand crafted out of silk and C4. Sporting 3 backup detonators, detection proof explosives, and specially designed cargo pockets to help carry your most cherished personal items up to paradise, this is truly the Cadillac of jihad wear. Fashion wise, all of Babaganoosh’s signatures are there; the lavish and bold adornments and the luxury satin trim, all wrapped together in a fresh take on an old design that is already being dubbed CCK (contemporary-classic-kaboom).

Accompanying the stellar costume was a Kevlar Taqiyah cap and balaclava, sure to dazzle your friends, hide your face, and protect you from the hail of gunfire as you careen towards your target. The combined effect achieved by the outfit is sure to put the "ahhhh" in every last one of those 72 virgins who will undoubtedly welcome you with, "You're so CCK!"

How do you follow such a stellar opening act? By making every costume lovelier than the next. Babaganoosh’s masterful eye for color and chemist-like expertise with explosives assures that each and every garb lives up to his epic standards and our epic expectations. Indeed, with a start as good as this, 2006 is sure to be a memorable year on the runway and on the battlefield, for all of those paradise bound.

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