Tuesday, January 22, 2008

The J-Files: UFOs or Zion

For the right ambience, play mp3 while reading:

Buried deep within a dust coated filing cabinet in a rarely visited basement office at the headquarters of the Fatwa Bureau of Investigation sit the Jihad Files. The J-Files are a collection of bizarre and unexplained cases; files filled with the paranormal or baffling. These long forgotten files, that more often than not, deal with dark elements of the Great Satan, suddenly came to light after 9/11. Now, the skeptical Special Agent Fox Mu’huldir, and the devoted believer, Special Agent Dana Scuhli, have been assigned to uncover the secrets of these long buried mysteries. The J-Files have been re-opened, but there are forces more powerful than can possibly be imagined aligning themselves to keep the truth hidden. But the truth is out there.

Fatwa Bureau of Investigation Headquarters, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia

“Mu’huldir, the assistant director Skhin’eir will see you in his office now.”

“Thank you Barika, I’ll see myself in.”

“I’ll be brief Mu’huldir; we’ve got another J-Files case for you and special agent Scuhli. It would seem that to the north, our Iraqi brothers, particularly the Kurds, are suffering from an acute case of mass hysteria. The Bureau needs to know why, and the eggheads down at Hufuf can’t see any other cause except the paranormal involvement of the Zionists. So the case is yours. You depart immediately.”

“Yes sir.”

“Oh, and Mu’huldir, that stink you caused over the so called evaporating Jihadis, I’m still weathering the fallout. I’m taking the liberty of assuming it won’t happen again.”

“Sir, with all due respect, we have every reason to believe the Zionists weren’t involved at...”

“That’s enough special agent! You have your assignment; I suggest you carry it out.”


Erbil International Airport, Kurdistan, Iraq

“Here’s what we know Mu’huldir. The military hasn’t detected any abnormal high band frequency transmissions emanating from Israel, although that doesn’t necessarily rule out radio frequency cranial hypnosis. Likewise, our agents monitoring regular media broadcasts report no change in the normal situation. Although, we can’t rule out Zionist subliminal hypno-brainwashing ... the Jews wrote the book on it!”

“I think you’re avoiding the simplest answer Scuhli. Have you stopped to consider that maybe we aren’t dealing with collective hysteria or brainwashing?”

“You can’t possibly believe that Mu’huldir, can you? That would mean that the majority of Kurd’s are Mossad agents, and I just can’t imagine how they’d.....”

“That’s not what I’m getting at Scuhli. What if there is no mass hysteria here....and no Zionist plot. What if Iraqis actually believe the Americans can help free their country, and are here as honourable liberators?”

“Are you crazy Mu’huldir! Next you’ll be asking me to believe that honour killing is wrong!”

“One thing at a time Scuhli. Look, there’s our contact. Let’s get this investigation moving, the only certainty here is that the truth is out there.”

Residence of Abdul-Alim, Western Erbil, Kurdistan, Iraq

“...it was quite miraculous. Our neighbours lived in fear, and we watched their fears realized. We too lived in fear. But the efforts of the Americans had a nearly immediate effect. We no longer live in fear of foreigners, of killers. All is peaceful now.”

“And you’re sure of what you saw, Mr. Abdul?”

“My eyes do not lie to me.”

“Excuse us for a moment Mr. Abdul ... What do you think Scuhli? You said yourself there was no evidence of Zionist interference here. I think what we might be dealing with here are numerous distinct cases of UFOs.”

“Is that what you’re honestly asking me to believe now Mu’huldir? Unexplainably Friendly Occurrences ... on this massive a scale ... committed by the Great Satan no less? Listen Mu’huldir, I’ve backed you in the past, to a point, but what you’re saying here ... I mean, do you realize the forces aligned against you on this one?”

“Please Scuhli, I need you to support me now more than ever. I know I’ve asked a lot of you in the past. And these J-Files, they’ve shaken my beliefs to the core as well. But I know the truth is out there, and the evidence is sitting right in front of us.”

“I’m sorry Mu’huldir, I just can’t go along with this charade. The human mind is a powerful tool, it has been known in the past to produce mass hallucinations ... just look at all the insane daily reports of so called “Islamic Terrorism”. And we still haven’t ruled out malevolent Zionist influence ... I can’t go along with this scheme, I’d have to throw all my logic out the window! Proving that UFOs exist is like trying to prove that the holocaust actually happened ... it's a dead end Mu'huldir ... a dead end!”

“Do as you see fit Scuhli, but I’ve got to get to the bottom of this, once and for all. The world needs to know.”

“Please Mu’huldir, you can’t possibly be thinking of spreading this rumor ... besides there isn’t a major news agency within 100 miles of Kurdistan. And, Mu’huldir, I know pain, believe me ... but what you’re likely to receive for this will be much more than a beating with a willows-of-the-Nile cane ... Mu'huldir please ... they pluck eyes and remove tongues for less!”

“Damn my safety Scuhli ... it's irrelevant ... this whole thing is way past that."

Parking Garage, Exact Location Unknown, Erbil, Kurdistan, Iraq

“I wasn’t sure that you’d show up, ' J', but 'Deep Desert' told me I could trust you.”

“Deny everything, and trust no one Mu’huldir, that’s the only way you’ll survive this game.”

“I need your help. I need to know who’s behind this. Who’s hiding the truth?”

“You think it’s just that simple, Mu’huldir, go after those hiding the truth ... Deep Desert always insisted that you weren’t just some vain kid with a chip on his shoulder ...”

“It doesn’t matter who’s behind it, all that matters is the truth. So who’s in control, Baghdad? Tel Aviv? Riyadh? Who!?!”

“Oh sure, they all play their part. But who do you think would benefit most from a failure here, now? Who has the most to gain, and the most to hide? All I can say is look towards the setting sun ... and already I’ve said too much. Goodbye Mu’huldir, you will not find me in the future, but I may find you.”

"J ... I just wanted to ask one more thing ..."

Riyadh King Kahaled International Airport, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia

“You’ve been very quiet Mu’huldir ... what are you thinking? What did you learn last night?”

“I wish I could tell you Scuhli, I truly do. But this isn’t your fight.”

“What are you going to put in your report Mu’huldir?”

“The case remains unsolved Scuhli, it is as simple as that. This J-File will stay open.”

“What of the UFOs, you aren’t going to mention them then ... at all?”

“I ... Scuhli I’ve never told you this before, but ... I ...”

“What is it Mu’huldir?”

“When I was child, my family lived for several years in Bosnia. It was a hard time, but we made due. But one day, it just ... well it all spiralled out of control. The Americans, they stepped in ... and suddenly it was ... ”

“You mean to tell me you’ve personally witnessed a UFO?!?”

“I can’t explain it Scuhli, and yet, I was there ... it happened.”

“I don’t know what to say Mu’huldir ... are you certain it wasn't Jordanian troops ... their uniforms are similar.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore ... there will be no mention of UFOs to Skhin’eir at any rate. I’ve called the Bureau to send a car to get you Scuhli, I need to stop by forensics before I return to HQ. I’ll be in touch.”

“Mu’huldir wait, the forensics lab isn’t even open ... and I’m a woman, I can’t be left alone in public ... Mu’huldir!”

Epilogue: Fatwa Bureau of Investigation Headquarters, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia

“Come in Scuhli, but don’t sit, this will be brief. Can I expect your full report by Thursday?”

“Of course, sir.......Sir, I need to know, have you had any contact with agent Mu’huldir?”

“I have had no contact with Mu’huldir since you departed. As of today, Special Agent Mu’huldir has been declared missing, presumed Zionist Spy and possible apostate ... I'd distance myself if I were you.”

“But ... ”

“Partly as a result of this, the J-Files have been suspended. You are to return to your previous posting with the Graphical Mohammad Representations Crimes Unit.”

“Sir ... I ...”

“That is all, Special Agent.”

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